There's No Way Out
by Princess Carmelita of ASOUE
Summary: The ticket finders are 1000x worse! Please review because I am desperatte! I had to change the title for personal reasons.
1. Chapter 1

Augustus Gloop

1,000,000 pound Augustus Gloop was so fat that he ate almost nonstop. He ate two things: chocolate and meat. He occaisonally ate leeks, but that was just part of his diet.

When he found his Golden Ticket, he had eaten half before Mrs. Gloop took it out of his chocolate. Augustus whined that it "tastes so good!" Augustus nearly ate his ticket before Mr. Gloop pried it out of his son's hands. "Augustus began to sing "Everybody needs a thneed! A fine thing that all people need!" from the Lorax.

"My Augustus is only three and came out with a Wonka Bar in his hands!" said Mrs. Gloop to the interveiwers. "And I plan to keep him on a child leash."

Augustus ate his child leash.

"Augustus!" Mrs. G loop cried. "Bad Augustus!"

Augustus stood up and urinated all over the floor while yelling "CHOCOLATE!"

The rest of that day was pretty bad, so we'll stop here.

**_Remember to review!_**


	2. Chapter 2

Veruca Salt

One day, six year old Veruca Salt decided it would be fun to cut up all the curtains in the house. Since she didn't have to make herself sick on, as Augustus would say, "Vonka bars" she could do whatever she pleased.

"VERUCA!" hollered Mr. Salt as he came home ticketless. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?"

"I didn't do it." Veruca said, smiling innocently.

"MRS. SALT!" cried Mr. Salt. " "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?"

"Do what?" Mrs. Salt asked absently.

"Somebody cut up the curtains in the-. Oh, there you are Veruca."

"Mommy, you're grounded!" Veruca said, stomping away.

Mrs. Salt threw up.

Of course, Mr. Salt had to say "WHY ARE YOU PUKING ON THE FLOOR? IT'S ONLY ACCEPTABLE WHEN VERUCA DOES IT!"

Mrs. Salt threw a tantrum and Mr. Salt left to break some bad news.

"Veruca." Mr. Salt said timidly. "We did not find the ticket. Or any other kind of ticket." (If you promise you won't tell, Mr. Salt has a secret ticket stash)

Mr. Salt then began to panic. He mumbled "Help me."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAÀAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Veruca screamed as loud as her voice would go.

Mr. Salt tried to escape, nut his daughter tackled him to the floor. As he attempted to remove the snarling child on top of him, she used a Three Step Secret Weapon ( otherwise known as TSSW) Here are the steps:

1\. Veruca screams as loud as she can and runs around the house.

2\. Veruca goes on a hunger strike.

3\. You do not want to know what Step 3 is.

* * *

Mr. Salt was in room 423 in the Attack Ward of Hatchet Hospital. He wondered why they couldn't have put him in Precious Pamper Hospital where Veruca was born. All of a sudden, he fingered the Golden Ticket hiding in his pocket. The ticket blinked at him. Mr. Salt screamed and asked a nurse to bring the family in. When Mrs. Salt came in lugging Veruca in a rolling suitcase, Mr. Salt handed over the ticket.

Seconds later, he died. Veruca thought he had fainted and gave him CPR. He came back alive moments after that.

"Hi, I'm Valerie Salt." Valerie Salt said. She was Veruca's ten year old sister.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Veruca screamed.

And that is how Valerie Salt ended up in room 432 in the Attack Ward of Hatchet Hospital.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for continuing to read my fic! Sorry if I'm taking too long to update, but I'm working on another extremely important story entitled Carmelita and the Annoying Cakesniffing Randomness.**

**Also, SNAPE IS SNAPE, thank you for reviewing and I can use only three words to describe Violet: a hot mess.**

"THIRD TICKET GONE!"

"What? It was only 67.4 seconds ago the second was found!"

Sitting on a fire hydrant, Charlie Bucket absorbed it all. He longed for a ticket. Dejected, he slid off the hydrant and slumped away to his house.

Charlie Bucket didn't really live in a house. He lived in the city dump, sleeping on bunched up Cheez-It bags and using discarded cotton balls as pillows. As for his clothes, Charlie was too poor to even receive donations, so he hadn't had new clothes for nearly a decade. And Charlie was nearly thirteen.

Charlie slumped back into town to watch the TV. As he'd predicted, the third ticket had been found. He decided to slink into a TV store.

"Yes, that's right, the third ticket is GONE! The lucky finder is nineteen year old Violet Beauregarde, gum chewing champion for eleven consecutive years!" a reporter named Apple said.

Violet, the lucky winner, wasn't like anybody Charlie had ever seen before. She had an unnaturally orange spray on tan, wide hazel eyes, and pukey green hair. She wore a beige camisole which clearly showed her zebra-print bra. She wore teeny lavender shorts which her hot pink diaper showed through. She was wearing snow boots and of course, chewing gum.

"I just love gum..." said Violet. "I've been chewing this piece I've got now for eight years! Isn't that lovely? Oh, and every time you don't eat your veggies, a manatee dies."

"O...kay" said the reporter. "Violet, why don't you tell us how you found this ticket?"

"Well, my roommate, Cornelia Prinzmetel, bought me a Wonka bar as a reward for helping her study for her exams. I waited until midnight to open it. So right as the clock across town struck twelve, I yanked that wrapping off and revealed a golden ticket. Woohoo! Yippee!"

Well, Violet, the narrarator wants to focus on CHARLIE bucket;:"'! Yes, CHARLIE bucket;:"'!. I wanted to do it correctly, but I was threatened with mayo if I didn't write it how Charlie wanted.

Charlie slumped back home sad, dejected, and hungry. He walked to Sunny's Sweet Shack and applied for a job. Sunny, who worked behind the counter said "Charlie I will give you the job. Be here by eleven tomorrow."

Let me tell you more about Charlie. He is twelve and always very dirty because the city dump does not come with a bath tub or shower. He is not toilet trained, but that is because there is no toilet in the dump. The entire Bucket family is black hole-trained. He is very thin, but he sometimes has to go hungry for weeks, once even a month. They eat restaurant leftovers if they can get any.

Now, the thing is, Mrs. Bucket works as a Veruca-trainer (she teaches Veruca Salt to do household tasks for herself) and Mr. Bucket works at the toothpaste factory and Charlie works at Sunny's Sweet Shack, but Grandpa Joe, Grandma Josephine, Grandpa George, and Grandma Georgina do not get out of bed. Rumor has it they have stayed there for forty years. The younger Buckets try though. Mr. Bucket pretends to be a mime in order to earn tips, Mrs. Bucket can occaisionally persuade Mrs. Salt to give her a raise, and Charlie does backhandsprings to earn money.

Charlie Bucket can no longer be seen on TV, so we'll have to turn off the camera here.


End file.
